Boyfriend hogger
God I want her so bad”!
// What more could you have. //
She has her own place, car, good job. Shes funny awesome loving amazing careing knows so much about me and whatbim going through… ugh and what more… Oh shes not mine LOL :p
// Truth is //
Its somthing that i think i will never be able to tell my family.. something that will tare them up to pieces something that some of my friends just wont inderstand, sometimes i wonder why… but then i cant help my feelings tords… yeah see and i cant even admit it on here.. its something that i can never post on facebook, nor twitter.. i wonder what my chrurch family would think what they not love me as they do now?? i just whish i could understnad it.. though sometimes i can look at him or another guy nad fall back in love again.. but yet she treats me so different and so loving and shes supper cute.. and my mom said the other day wow ur friend looks like ur ex boyfriend and im like rerally you think so.. haha and i always maek gay jokes with her and act like i dont like it… but deep down inside i know who i am and i know what i like… but i know she would never understand thats why i choose to never tell her… but i mean of course i do want kids one day but i dont know maybe im just confused… ot maybe im just hurt.. ugh this is so hard to discuss… this bringsd me back to freshman year in high school.. because i once had a girlfriend and i once really began to like her and then i finally told my mom… and i just remember her crying and crying and crying and she went to her room and didnt come out for hours… i felt so bad that i just told her that i was joking and that me and her werent togethr, somehow i didnt think she believed me.. but then she stopped crying and everything was kinda awkard for awhile.. but then later on i began to strt dating guys and everythign seemed to fall back in place…. even though i knew the truth about me… soon to be contunied -unknown author
// “I never knew what it was to be sick”//
One afternoon coming home from a busy day at work, taking care’m of.a nephew who’s mother doean’t want to. Who’s grandmother is busy with paperwork to keep our house befofe they take it away. Trying to keep up with bills and food. Dads in a wheelchair from a spider bite a long time ago.. So long ago i can barley remember. Though things seem to on the wrong end, but my familys still together with love, even through a close divorce with my parents things are still together. Their were many times when i thought when people were sick that they were just sick, but it never accured to be, when ur real sick u can die, which is what is happening to my childhood bestfriend. My mom watched her & her sister for many years till they moved and we didnt hear anything about them till about a year ago that their dad had passed. That was sudden shock i honestly didnt know what to think. Till she got sick his daughter with cancer and she’s fighting for her life in the hosptial right at this moment, she’s in so much pain doectors said they dont know how ling she has. But i remember the song by nick jonas you dont know what you got till its gone. Thing feeling in my heart just wont go away somehow i dont know what to do :/. About a month after hearing about britt, i started getting a pain in my side, i honestly didnt know what it was, then slowly i started getting light headed and nearly fainted at work. I decided it was time to make an appt for the doc, as i got in the next day all i coukd hear was questions but no answer then she placed her and on my side i screamed amd jumped because it hurt so bad. Doctors say i may need surergy but i believe that gods gunna fix for me. Its going to get batter, he’s gunna fix my battle and britts because i believe. I give it to jesus.
// Remember//
Remembering all the days when I would think of you. Remembering the day you broke my heart, the day you left me for her.. A beautiful, wonderful careing young women.. Me.. But you had to change ur heart and mind to her.. Do u love her no? Do you lust her? Yes of course because thats the only GOOD thing she’s great for. When the whole time u had someone that loved you for you, and loved you since day one. But something deep down inside changed, from this day I still dont know what changed.. But I kinda wish I knew. Days like these miss you… Speshley since you were my first love! Ugh see the more I think.of it.. The more it.makes me sad, fusterated, and angry.. But I guess its time to move on.. sigghh… And looking at this picture of me and you isn’t helping at all.. Im thinkin of posting it.later and calling it a goodbye photo.. And finally a goodbye relationship !!
As much as I think about yoy.. It makes me happy… It makes this smile on my face never go away… But when I.think about it, your leaving and your leaving to a new place to start and refresh on life. Oh how much a wish I could go with you, I wish i could just leave this all behind me and move forward to a new place, new start, new life, new begining, new me. Im going to miss you. At least god made me have a chance to meet you and find out who.you are find out that ur someone so special and I dont see how anyone could break ur heart or treat u how she did. I dont understand how, or why. Ur a gift from god, that showed me that I can move on in life to a new start and begin a long journey. Hopefully one day i’ll be able to spend it with you, before someone else finds you. :)
// It’s his watch not mine. //
i love when i know a new life is born.. just because god is giving someone a chance to spread his minstry and to save someones life who might not know him. And have a change to be in his kingdom, to be happy loved, cared for, thats all God, he loves us so much and at times we turn our backs on him because we think we see something better, or life is just becing to hard for us to handle, but god never gives us to much, but the more we praise him and believe in him and trust him the more the devile is going to come after us, and i always have to learn that, because like anyone one else i fall or course, and sometimes it really is hard to trust god with everything, because everything around us is falling apart or crumbing down, and their comes a point when we just dont know what to do. And at times like these, is when you really need to take time with god and know that he can handle ur situation your in, he’s able to keep us from falling as this one song goes, god hears our humble cry, hurt cry, sad cry painfull cry, he hears it. And he wants to help, but you have to do your part and love him and believe and i dont mean just say believe i mena fall on your knees and give him thanks for waking you up to a new day, and giving you a place to live and food on your table, and if you dont have this, this is the time when you really need to trust him. Many people say that they dont know who this god is, well this god this amazing and he will do anything for you, he made this while earth, he made everything living creature, and he made us. He made us to be different, but satin stepped in and wanted to be God, but God said no and kicked him out of heaven, And thats one reason why we struggle today. see when we fallow satin, his ways life, and just sin, nothing seems to go wrong.. to me its almost to goood to be true, like when you see comercials on tv and they seem prefect and nothing will go wrong with them, well thasts how it goes with satin everythingends up perfect you get waht you want, money, sex, plesure, drugs, alochol, lust, everything.. even could be a house or a car…. he will make sure you get everything to make you happy.. he knows who you are , how you are, and how you will fall under his spell, see living on earth is just want want want„, get get get… yeah you get waht you want… and probly more.. but in the end.. you’ll end up in the ditch, see everything is great up on earth, but below us, is people crything to get out, HELL is REAL! and its HOT if you think a fire from a pit or the fire place is hot.. well then you dont wanna go to hell cause thats even hotter… and it will hurt, your heart will ache with pain your mind will wonder and saything what happend.. your life will pretty much come to a end… HeLL is prison, and many dont believe it or they dont care, but in the ned everyone will care, i used to be one of thoughts people i didnt care if i was going to hell, untill one day a guy met me downtown and changed my life, i got got safed that very day, see if it wasnt for that guy i’d probly still be in stuck in park this very day. see i didnt care about this so called god becuase i was so hurt for the things that happend to in my life, i thought drinking and partying was the best love or plesure in the whole world and i didnt wanna change, not for anyone or anthing, but espeshly god, i didnt wanna come that so called” church girl, like my mom wanted to to become, i just wanted a party my whole life, and see i didnt know when you find christ, its a party everyday with him. im set free, and im going to praise him for the rest of my life, im going to serve the lord because he never let go of these angel wings, when i turned away and let go of him he still managed to keep his finger tips on them. :) im going to sereve him for the rest of my life. people just have to see who he is with their own eyes, because if you love your self enough and to look in the merrior and say wow im a great person and beautiful, or handsome and a good man, if you can say thoughs things and beleive it, just know that ur reflection out of the merior is god, because he speaks through us, and when were filled with the holy ghost people on the street oor in their cars can see that ur a different person and can see your smile or eyes thankful eyes is what i call them. :) trust and believe in him, he will change your life forever trust me, he changed mine, and hes still working on me, because im still a brocken engin from a car, and i still need quit a few things addjusted, but its his watch not mine.
// “Baby steps is all it takes.”//
Theirs a young girl who sits at the stairs of her local church, looking at the boy of her ‘dreams’ she says in her mind why cant you love me?? why do you have to think im not pretty?? As these thoughts keep puddering her mind the ordernary boy stands firm in his church suit, and answers because i love her»> as he directly looks at this other girl, who is very beautiful, this other girl cought his eye and captured his heart and changed his life Forever! The girl at the staris looks at them and says wow you guys would make a cute couple, they both replied with no suprise ‘we once did’ to say that hurt the so bad as the girl at the stairs began to weap inside. They smiled at eachother then looked away, as the girl at the stairs could see “they once were in love” she could see their battles they fought, heartaches pain, their hopefullness, kindness, and achievements they both made in life with eachother. At times they both thought it was a fary tale, untill they realized “you can fall in love young” but they still had so many questions that were not Answerd. sometimes they felt as if life was moving to fast and they were moving to slow…to be contunied…
// Best Friends!//
We did so many things together… and i really miss thoughs days.. if i told the storys on here people might think were a little crazy, but i remember onetime when i really needed you and you took the bus all the way down the lickin park, i also remember a time when we snuck out of the house just to go to a party.. and wow them days been long.. but ever since you had a baby things changed, dont get me wrong a love her to death and would do anything for her and you… we always had our four best friends to stick together, although one passed and two had babies and one got married and one is engaged.. lol wow and all in one year :) i just wanted to let you know that i miss you and i dont really miss the days of getting drunk and having our heads in the toilet, and i dont really miss the days when we would fight over guys! but i do miss having a friendship, i hope ur family is doing good as well as you and ur daughter, im doing great, i go to church now, hang out with the right people that i love sooooo much.. my parents are split up though but things are slowly getting better.. i just have to trust and believe, that God WILL! so if you ever read this sometime just know that i love you :) -sincerly Ang.
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